"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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