My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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