My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
