Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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