Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
