I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
