I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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