I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
