woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
