Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
