She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
