If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
