how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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