so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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