Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
