Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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