Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
