**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
