It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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