yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
