If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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