But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
