I'm drive I can fine osifer
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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