What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
