Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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