Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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