I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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