how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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