you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
