someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
