my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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