im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
