Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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