I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
