Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
