fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize