I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
