Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
