And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
