just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
