I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
