if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
