well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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