i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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