also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
