he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
