i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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