i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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