Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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