I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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