i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
