Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
