Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
